american dad

pops finally did it! he has accomplished something which i know he has desired for as long as i can vividly remember and today i am proud to say that he is officially an american citizen!

i must say that watching the ceremony reminded me of how not proud i am to be an american...it really has lost its value and importance in my mind, but seeing these individuals all of whom i am sure have had their fair share of struggles and hardships in order to get to this point did honestly shine some glimmer of what america truly is, or rather it reminded me of how innocent and meaningful the words "patriotism" and "american" are when you are in elementary school studying the bullshit history that is later debunked once you actually start to study history.

but that is neither here nor there, the truth is that seeing the diversity of all of these people and watching them wave their flags did make my day and also reminded me that regardless of how shitty everything has become, and no matter what i may say about this stupid ass government..ultimately i know that i do take my freedoms and liberties for granted, and despite the fact that these may be dwindling away before my very eyes, i at least have the freedom of speech and expression as is the case with this blog.
fin.

late nite harbor sesh

ever notice that when you stare at something long enough...
it...
starts...
to...
form...
images.

coachella 2008

Partying at coachella this year was awesome. Despite the heat of the desert air, the anticipation was ever so high. Though I was extremely disappointed to find out that 4 of my favorite bands at coachella were literally on stage at the exact time! I relaxed with visions of why i was actually there after all, and when the time slot established that Portishead would be on stage at 9:15, we decided that show must go on. With that knowledge more than noted the adventure began.

Navigating through the day on a steady diet of

and
made the desert winds that much more enjoyable.

As we rolled, the sights and sounds became even more intense and heightened as we experienced all that coachella had to offer:


all of which became even more surreal once the sun had set.




In fact the only thing that really sucked, other than the heat was something that we all unanimously loathe


But of course this is coachella and the music is really what it's all about and it was great!! Everyone was definitely on point. Rilo Kiley's sexy ass Jenny Lewis was definitely working it on stage as was the notoriously talented M.I.A...both of which i did not have the opportunity to capture on digi (the explanation MAY appear on another blog.) A great surprise was actually St. Vincent's set, amazing and flawless.

But the bar was set on an entirely different level once portishead hit the stage. The crowd went craaaazy!! Beth Gibbon's voice was pitch perfect and just as bone chillingly haunting as on any of their albums. Needless to say that a part of me could not fully process that I was actually watching them live! This is a band that is so deeprooted into my core for many reasons, both good and bad, and seeing their set was almost overwhleming.




All in all the day was amazing. Despite missing some bands and not fully enjoying prince due to a pounding headache, this was definitely one of the funnest coachellas that i have attended. whether it was the inclusion of certain substances or the exclusion of certain people, the day will definitely become a highlight in my concert going career. Now i can only speculate about next year's lineup...
fin.

mascot

i saw this bear chillen down the street from me, it looked so adorably depressing that i wasn't quite sure whether i should smile or cry...so i took a picture instead and instanty fell in love.

attn: lazy christians

turns out that god's spokesperson went postal this weekend, and decided to take matters into his own hands!

when i first got a glimpse of this hate spewing character two things rushed to mind:

firstly, how fucking inappropriate it was for this guy to position himself in a family oriented environment (on 420 of all days!) spewing his rhetoric under the pretense of what he defines as god's judgement. when in actuality this hatred and anger is really more a reflection of his insecurities and his own sense of self judgement for not living up to some bullshit ideal and belief system which have thus far not brought him any inner peace or happiness.

secondly, and most importantly, i was completely surprised by my reaction to him. rather that my reaction had solidified a sense of maturity and understanding that i have only reached with age. had this been 4 years ago, i would have worked myself into such a frenzy that i would have probably gone up to him and given him a piece of my mind regarding his religion and judgements. after all religion, and specifically christianity, is something that i had spent several years exhaustingly discussing, debating, arguing and analyzing. yet instead, above everything else, my frustration and my anger, all paled in comparison to the sheer sadness that i felt for such a lost and angry individual.

it's 3 am i must be lonely.

As the title suggests, it is indeed 3 am, and obviously i am alone. In fact i am in the the most private of places, a place where one sits alone, on his throne, if you will. I find myself in that drunken state where i am not completely detached from reality, from insecurity and it's obvious bearing on one's life. In fact i am probably yet sadly the most honest i have felt in a while, so much so that i recognize certain attributes and stigmas which have defined me thus far. and so i listen to the new portishead album, awaiting the day when i see them live (next sat) and feel completely free, completely emotional and clearly more intoxicated than i believe to be, hence the self disclosure and the incesent need to over articulate whilst not fully divulging any actual information. and so I simply feel...my age, my life, my pros and my cons...only to make myself appreciate what it is that i have, because ultimately it can always be worse, it can always be a more negative representation of the life that i hold today... and so i choose to live, despite it's many obstacles, and many, many pitfalls. Regardless, of the harsh truth that life really is not what it's cracked up to be, in reality it could not be any farther from what is spoon fed to us throughout our lives. in fact i am more than aware of the suffering that occurs around me, so much so that a numbness occurs, an instinctual necessity of coping numbs and desensitizes me, yet only to a point, because the struggle is ultimately what life is about, it is truly is about the journey, the ebb and flow, the highs and lows, and all the other cliches that flood my mind at the moment. and so i close this drunken rambling with the truth that despite where i wish i was in life, i am somewhere not tooo far from where i want to be...not too far from what i seek in life, not too distant from my dreams and aspirations, and from what i define as happiness. For all we can do is look forward and "keep on keeping on" (so fucking whitey -loke!) despite my sense of solitude which has increasingly become worrisome, i instead look towards what makes me happy, towards positivity and the belief that we control our own destinies. I strongly believe that despite what we are given at birth, it is sheer determination and will power which carries us from dream to reality. which is why we should never stifle our dreams, no matter how old we get, as long as we live we can strive for whatever it is that brings us joy and passion...even if it is 3 am and you're feeling lonely.fin.

disconnect anxiety

In our current world of ever evolving technology and its full integration into all facets of our daily lives, it was only a matter of time before the very idea of living and breathing without it would result in the onset of an anxiety disorder. enter disconnect anxiety.

An interesting study released by the solutions research group showed that in an age where we are all connected to one another via text, IM and the internet on devices such as smart phones, states "the American consumer is more connected and has more instant access to people and information than at any time in history. Losing that access creates disconnect anxiety." They define this anxiety as the "various feelings of disorientation and nervousness experienced when a person is deprived of Internet and wireless access for a period of time."

Now let me tell you that as a recent, and I mean very recent owner of a smartphone (a blackjack 2, I opted not to go blackberry) having the internet on my phone instantly changed the way I felt. I immediately began accessing all my favorite websites and saving them to my favorites such as myspace, imdb, google, craigslist and of course blogger (just to name a very few). Having the ability to receive and manage emails instantly on my phone is such a freedom and ease that I can not even describe. Basically having this degree of access, as many people know, feels like the ultimate freedom with literally no strings attached...or so it seemed.

A funny thing happened on day 3 of owning my bj2, upon picking up my phone to check my emails, it turned out that I could not, for whatever reason, log on. Let me tell you that after staring at my screen with its lack of internet connection, I felt every feeling of disorientation and nervousness, I literally felt completely disconnected, completely cut off from all forms of my newly acquired freedom. 

Now to be completely real, not only do I have literally like 1.5 friends, one of which is my dog, I had only had this phone for 3 days! All I could do aside from completely stressing the fuck out, was to attempt to manically log on over and over again, I seriously tried to jump online 15 times, before I realized that a urgent phone call had to be made to at&t about this horrible incident which had occurred. A new problem arised when after realizing that there was no one to speak to on a sunday, the reality that my only other option of contacting support via the internet, was the issue which I was trying to resolve in the first place, only added to my stress.

I eventually had to calm down and accept that for whatever reason I could not connect, and don't get me wrong I was still definitely checking my phone every hour on the hour, but I had to wait it out until monday morning when I would definitely be contacting someone about this issue. After it was resolved at 7 am monday morning, and having the ability to connect, a weight was literally elevated from my soldiers, I immediately felt all of my tension and anxiety flush out of my system. The frightening thing is that if I felt this level of anxiety only after 3 days, I can only imagine what the future will bring.

Which leads me back to the study...according to the research 68% of people experience anxiety when disconnected. And it turns out the highest percentage 50% to be exact are between the ages of 25 and 49 (right where I pathetically stand with bj2 in hand.) The major factors which play into why people experience disconnect anxiety are safety, work, social and navigation. These are pretty self explanatory as we use our cell phones for work and leisure and now with gps enabled phones we have reached an entirely different dependence where safety is a prime concern. The study goes on to provide many statistics and terms including the type of withdrawal known as"crackberry" (with blackberry being the dominant smartphone on the market, this is the term for those whose crack like addiction to their bb, is only exaggerated with internet outages.)

Now to maintain some perspective, I still remember having pagers, when the beginning stages of texting consisted of using numbers as letters, and I mean numbers in the sense that 1 177155 400 was "I miss you". Then I remember getting my first cell phone after I graduated, when cell phones were still not the norm at my high school. I remember when song ringtones where not actually real songs, I remember when texting was something new. Shit, I remember cell phones before they came in color (and I am not talking about the exterior!) so to now fully embrace technology in all its glory and having instant access to the net, and then having to deal with the negative effects that it has upon us, is just so strange to me. At the age of 26, I feel that I have fully witnessed the transistion and integration of technology leading to not only this, but what I believe will be many more disorders as the side effects arise from our consistent need to stay connected.

Now while the study only defines and identifies this new form of anxiety, it is only a matter of time before it is fully embraced by the medical community and entered into the next version of the DSM (diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders.) So next time you can't jump online, or send a text, or check an email, and you feel yourself feeling completely stressed out, frustrated or anxious, just remember that you are not alone, in fact you are part of the growing majority who suffer from disconnect anxiety, but just relax and take a breath, because before you know it you'll be popping a pill for it.

fin.